would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
