He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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