I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
