I didn't shave. On purpose
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
