So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
