it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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