While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I believe in your delicious
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
