Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Betty ford says i'm here all night
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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