A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Girls should come with a carfax report
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
