I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
