I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
