She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
