this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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