her vagine was all disorganized.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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