did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
