It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
