haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I am available for nakedness
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
