I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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