thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
