she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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