I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
