but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
