He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
