i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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