I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
