New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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