My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
