I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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