i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
