I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
