you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
