You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
