Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
