I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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