I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
