He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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