In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
