we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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