I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
