i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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