Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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