My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
