I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
