I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
