the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
