people are starting to question the shark bite story
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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