the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
