Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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