Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
