Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
