why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
